Thursday, March 29, 2007

Perfume bathers of the world, unite!

How to tell you're wearing too much perfume:
1. You can smell yourself (actually applies to any body odour).
2. Your monthly perfume budget is larger than your cable TV bill.
3. You have a monthly perfume budget.
4. Your bus driver stops the bus, opens all the windows and asks you to move the the part of the bus where other passengers are not.

How not to handle #4 above:
1. Assume that since no one has ever mentioned your excessive scent before, it must be the bus driver's problem. It's not like Canadians ever try to be polite or avoid confrontation.
2. Get a major media outlet to take up your cause célèbre.
3. Pose for picture in said media outlet's article, displaying ginormous, half-empty bottle of perfume.
4. Liken yourself to a key player in the civil rights movement [insert this writer's strangled scream].

You want to know why protest politics has become virtually irrelevant in the 21st century? This is why. Every time someone claims to be oppressed by the consequences of their own bad or inconsiderate behaviour, liberalism is tarnished, and the right gets yet another tool with which to dismiss the legitimate concerns of those who are genuinely oppressed.

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